Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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