I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
