I haven't been this sober since birth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
