I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
