oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His hands were made for my vagina.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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