Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
