i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
