you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
