I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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