Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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