I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
