I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
