i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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