oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
