Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
