If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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