drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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