Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
