he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
