I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
