Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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