i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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