Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
