Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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