I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
