I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
