Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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