the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
