I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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