I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
