Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
