She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
