And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
