I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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