i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
