the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
