If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
