I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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