Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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