dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
