Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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