"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
