I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
