guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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