He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
