so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
