I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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