kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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