She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
