You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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